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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Just "me"

Here we are, the end of January with the dull dreary days of February barreling down upon us.

So where have I been? I've been here, not on my computer but here, in my house and up at the school.

What's new you ask? Well, it appears our desktop computer has finally passed out for good. I have my photos saved on an external hard-drive but haven't moved them yet to this laptop. Since I'm known to be technologically challenged, it might still be awhile before I get photos back up here. At least I'm not chomping at the bit to take lots of photos these days, right now everything is white or dirty gray outside.

My first inclination was to title this post "the new me". You see, there have been some big changes in our lives and more changes yet to come. People around here who know me personally have noticed one of the changes. Over the last year I lost a total of 40 pounds. I really didn't have 40 pounds to lose though so I find myself with the unusual task of having to put 5 pounds back on again! So when it comes to the physical me, maybe there is a new me but I find the old me is still right there, under my skin.

This June will be our 25th wedding anniversary. It will also be our last wedding anniversary. Read between the lines if you will. The biggest change yet to come? Chances are this coming growing season will be the last one here in this garden. So here's another "me", not "us", just "me". The garden is something I just can't really think about, it just seems to be hiding in a corner of my mind, waiting for spring before it begins to set down roots and grow again.

Being a gardener, I think I'm an eternal optimist. While I know that any house I can afford in this town will be a tiny cottage, I have dreams of a magazine-like cottage garden with white picket fences and lots and lots of cutting flowers just cascading over rough walkways. Hmmm, maybe I can think of gardening after all.

Hopefully this tentative sticking of my big toe in the water's of the world wide web will lead me to jump back in. I've put up all the comments many of you left me on my blog but will only begin answering new comments for now.

Hugs to everybody,
Just "me", Melanie


Gail said...

My dear I am so glad to hear from you and so sad to read between the lines.
When you're ready to think about gardening you will (and it will be a beautiful garden). In the meantime take all the time you need for yourself and all the newness you are having to adjust to....Post whenever you have the inclination...your friends are here for you.


Dave said...

Glad to hear your back! I'm sorry to hear about the negative changes and hope that everything goes well from here on out!

cindee said...

I am sorry to hear of your new you changes. I know its hard and I know you will get through it one day at a time. Don't worry about us bloggers, we will always be here for you. Just take care of yourself right now. I wish there was more I could say but just know I am thinking of you and sending happy thoughts your way.

Cinj said...

Oh no! How sad. What happened? Or maybe that's too personal right now....

It is good to hear from you though. I've wondered what had happened to you since you haven't posted for quite a stretch. We've all been through our tough times, it seems that there are more of those out and about now than ever before.

Please stop by and chat if you ever feel the need arise.

Robin's Nesting Place said...

I've thought about you many times and wondered what happened to you. I'm sad to hear that you've had troubles. I wish you the very best and hope that you find peace, happiness and your appetite again.

Like Gail said, we're here whenever you feel like posting. Take good care of yourself.


islandgal246 said...

Changes are difficult to adjust to and time will be the best healer. Give yourself time to heal and always surround yourself with positive friends and people. Treat your self like a tender plant, take each step at a time and most of all give yourself time.

Anonymous said...

I have been exactly where you are now -- I divorced just before our 26th anniversary (after a 5 year separation). I know that no matter how amicably it is handled, it is still a very difficult time. I left my new home as well, and the 40 lbs you lost, I gained. I'm glad you're back and sorry for what you're going through, but when it's done, all you can do is think of it as a new phase of your life...a new adventure, and take off running with it. I wish you ALL the best, Melanie, and I think a cottage garden would be charming.

tina said...

I am so, so, so sorry to hear that after 25 years anniversaries there will be no more. It is truly heartbreaking, and I don't even know you. I wish you the very best, take it one day at a time.

garden girl said...

Hi Melanie, it's so good to hear from you. I've missed your posts.

I'm so sorry to hear of the changes you're going through. I've been there myself (after 23 years of marriage,) and I know it isn't easy.

I also know it gets better. I enjoyed about seven years of single life after my divorce, bought my own much smaller but well-loved home which already had lots of pretty garden spaces, became even closer to my daughters, and after adjusting to all the changes, life has been much better than I could have ever imagined - full of new adventures and new possibilities. I wish all the best for you and your daughters Melanie.

Melanie said...

Thanks for all of your supportive posts!

Luckily for me we are working together on this whole family thing and the atmosphere in this house is better now than it's been in years. I'm looking forward to some wonderful changes along with the tough ones but one thing that will never change is the fact that we are a family.